Loneliness is a feeling of distress that accompanies perceived deficiencies in social relationships. Many gifted people actually have several casual friends but this does not fill the need to fully connect with someone.Ī study done by Lavelle and Hawkley (2010) found the following: Įven when a person has what appear to be many fri ends, they can sti ll be lonely. Researchers ( Caspi, Harrington, Moffitt, Milne, & Poulton, 2006) found that loneliness in adolescence and young adulthood caused actual physical maladies such as cardiovascular issues and other health concerns. “Across the lifespan, affiliative and attachment bonds have clear survival and reproductive advantages that may help explain why the motivation to form and maintain close social bonds is as potent as the drive to satisfy hunger or thirst” ( Cacioppo, 2009). Psychologists have documented the need for social connections. This desire to find someone who understands us is human nature. This statement says it best- "A common feeling or fantasy among highly gifted children is that they are like abandoned aliens waiting for the mother ship to come and take them home ” ( Webb, Amend, Webb, Goerss, Beljan, & Olenchak, 2005, p. It’s a lonely existence to not feel like you really belong. Looking at just about any list of gifted characteristics, loneliness is often mentioned- showing how difficult it is for gifted individuals to feel true connections with others. Gifted people historically struggle with the issue of loneliness throughout childhood, into adulthood and even in the elderly years. Loneliness is a major issue for many adults, but particularly those who are gifted. Therefore, a gifted person may have to search high and low throughout the population of their communities and the world in order to find someone who matches their desires and understands them at the deepest levels. The combination of these characteristics and each gifted person’s specific areas of concerns and passions are unique. It is well documented in research articles that the gifted are prone to characteristics that can lead to problematic social interactions on many levels- the high sensitivities, their questioning nature, persistence and obsessiveness, passion and perceptiveness, empathy and enrage over unfairness, and so forth (Heylighen, n.d. Just knowing there is a potential for more intimate depth is enough to keep them searching, and often moving from relationship to relationship until t hey find the “soul mate” they a re looking for- if they ever are able to find them. This pursuit of true adult peers is so important that it manifests itself in what can appear to be self- depreciating or harmful behaviors and even unhealthy medical conditions, including diseases and stress-induced maladies, multiple intimate relationships, divorces, and more. Gifted adults have the potential of forming intimate relationships that overshadow the casual friendships they maintain in their workplaces and in their regular social networks. But when a gifted child grows into a gifted adult, the intricacies of relationships thicken and just having someone who can do “paralle l play” at the higher levels isn’t enough. Articles have been written about what “true peers” are for children, whose asynchrony of development causes problems for them in finding even playmates who understand them at the appropriate levels. Starting from youth, gifted children begin looking for peers who mirror their intelligence and interests. But others continue to look, sometimes moving from unsatisfactory relationship to yet another unsatisfactory one, always hoping they will find “the One.” Some give up and live a life of solitude. Researchers don’t know exactly why this is, or why it matters, although they can follow the brain chemistry evidence to prove there is a biological event that occurs when people do find connections ( Krienen, Pei-Chi Tu, and Buckner, 2010), somehow the idea of finding that one person who matches their character and mirrors their soul matters more than most gifted people want to admit. And once in a while they actually find one of those if they are lucky, although they are incredibly difficult to find. Gifted adults often spend their lives trying to find friendships that have a depth and breadth at the spiritual level that most of their friendships and intimate relationships only skim the top of.
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